It's a Family Affair...

I never thought that my family was dysfunctional. It's probably not a good idea to air the dirty laundry here, cuz chances are, someday they may actually take the time to check on what it is I do w/ my time. Fat chance! Well, without naming names, or particular events, let's just agree that indeed, my family does do a very deep lean over the cliff of "dysfunctional". They stare @ what is below, and allow themselves to be lowered just far enough, that when they are pulled back up, they bring the darkness w/ them. I think this enlightenment of my past few years, has stemmed from, obviously maturity, but also seeing things through someone else's eyes. My partner (I hate that word, but I will use it here), has taught me to be less of that awful, muddy doormat, that I have portrayed for so many years. I was always such a people pleaser, and by way of that, a very false human being. The past few years have seen me putting myself ahead of others, for the first time ever. It is a nice feeling, and certainly a challenge. I have, for the most part, achieved this goal, with respect to my peers, coworkers, friends, etc., but I have not dug terribly deep into the family unit. I do love my family, and certainly they are good people, but they have found their traps, and have decided to spend some "quality" time there. Let it be known, that I also have my traps, but I feel as though I am chewing my foot off, desperately trying to escape. I don't see that they are trying to better themselves. In some ways, yes they are, but emotionally, physically, and mentally, they are ready to be captured and skinned. I think that some of them may feel as though I am being high and mighty. I guess it could come off that way, but it really is the effort of bettering myself that they are seeing. They probably also feel like I am judging them. In a way, I am, but it is only because I know they are capable of more, and that I am trying to show that life is to short for petty differences, and juvenile squabbles. I have tried to wash my hands of all this nonsense, but w/ family, it seems to take more effort, and more time. Is it the length of time you have known these people, as compared to friends I have had for, say 10 years? Certainly. I am not sure how to continue this daunting hike up Everest, because I have already pissed many of them off. Of course, I am able to now say, "it is not my issue, I am this way, accept it, or screw you!" I have always heard, you can love your family, but that doesn't mean you have to like them. With the way things are currently, and that dark dropoff looming ahead, loving them may be the only thing to do right now. But, I always have hope, that someday, the family bond will again be strengthened, and we will all be pulled to safety, away from the jagged rocks just out of sight.