"The Fog" Can Hurt You

Just watch it; you'll know what I mean. Then again, don't. You'll never forgive yourself for the time wasted. The remake of The Fog was the stinkiest, corniest, blood-infested, steamiest, runniest pile of shit I've seen in maaaaany a year. Sorry for the nastiness, but I am flabbergasted at the lack of quality in this film. What was bad? All of it. Every last bit of this movie failed. The acting (particularly that of Maggie Grace) was shameful. Tom Welling (Smallville's Clark Kent) can be relied upon on that program (when I was still watching it) to deliver some genuine quality. Not the case here. Selma Blair shows up in this mess, and she too is pathetic. I haven't seen enough of her work, but I do have a fondness for her role in Legally Blonde. What happened? The script is horrendous. The overuse of helicopter shots was laughable. The ending could not have been hokier. The effects were uninteresting. There was zero suspense. Even the "boo" moments failed to do much of anything. Generally, I am able to find good qualities in even the worst of films. Hell, I can even find some good moments in Showgirls! The only thing; and I mean the only thing of value here; is Tom Welling shirtless in a couple of scenes. His love scene w/ Maggie Grace was pure trash and completely unneeded. The scenes w/ Maggie Grace and Selma Blair parading around in their underpants also seemed forced. I would believe that these were placed in the film to bring in the young male audience. Obviously, it didn't work, cuz the film bombed. It whole-heartedly deserved all of the nasty response and reviewer negativity it received. Awful, awful, awful. I do have a fond place in my heart for the original, and the only reason I can see that Debra Hill & John Carpenter allowed this; is to make a few bucks; or perhaps they were flattered by the semi-sophistication of a remake. There have been some good remakes; Dawn of the Dead for example. But I think this only supports the common sense idea of getting some new stories and leaving the classics as they are. On top of all of this junk, I found a blatantly obvious continuity error; in the graveyard sequence between Father Malone and the Maggie Grace character. I wasn't looking for it folks. Usually these kinds of mistakes are seen on repeat viewings. It nearly cried out to me; it was so apparent. The Fog was absolutely dreadful; in every way that it possibly could be.