Just Thinkin' About Grandma

Every once in a while, I have a passing thought about my grandma. Whenever it happens, it makes me smile. I have several things around that make me think of her. Proudly displayed is the small mirror she gave me for my church confirmation. It's the Lord's Prayer; on top of mirrored glass, set into a wooden base. I've tried to keep it in good shape, cuz it really means alot to me. Several months ago, the other half and I put magnetic paint up on one of our walls; cuz I have a huge collection of magnets. Fun, goofy, horrible. Among them is a magnet my grandma had on her refrigerator. I asked for it when she passed away, and I got it. It says, "Grandma's are a blessing". Kinda cheesy, but for the sake of my deep love, respect and gratitude for my grandma, I'll cheese it up for the time being.

Just a few other random thoughts about her...

She thought me to play solitaire. She also taught me to play rummy, which we used to play whenever we got the chance. It was the game we always played, her, my older brother and me.

I once told her (I was a little kid) that she had a "witches nose". Of course I was scolded for it, and always felt bad. She didn't really, but it was a bit big and had a small hook to it. The funny thing is that as I got older, whose nose did I end up with? Hers. Justice, I guess. I'm proud to share my nose with her.

We used to watch Dallas and Falcon Crest together. I was just a kid, but we sure loved those shows. I remember that Falcon Crest came on at 9pm, and usually by then, I was getting pretty bushed, so I don't remember sitting through most of the whole episodes.

I only heard my grandma swear once. She was talking about a character on the soaps (her stories) and got so agitated, she ended up calling the character a "bitch". The whole family was taken aback, but I always got such a kick out of hearing her curse...just that once.

When she died, I also got all of her place settings. It's a big set. Some pieces are missing, but the design is quite elegant, and of course it makes me think of her. I used them for a while, but then decided it would be better to save them for special occasions. Haven't found any yet.

I was in the middle of my sexuality struggle when she died (almost 12 years ago). I took it upon myself to write her a note about who I was and how hard I was fighting it. At the time I still considered myself bisexual, even though I knew deep down it was only a stepping stone. She was technically the first person I told that I was gay. I wrote the letter the day before her funeral, and had it buried with her. I guess looking back, it was a pretty pretentious thing to do, but at the time, it seemed right and needed. I wasn't looking for any kudos or pats on the back for how touching it was. I just needed to let her know who I was and how much I loved her.

Anyway, I've got a show tonight, so I best be going. I guess it's nice to think about her in passing, but even nicer when I can take these several minutes to make sure the world knows how much I miss her. Later Grandma.