Useless Piece of Skin

I'm having one of those days where I've done absolutely nothing to further my career, my life or my health. It's irritating; to know that it's almost 5pm, and I've done nothing. I went to breakfast and did some grocery shopping this morning. There it is, not a completely worthless day. But, I've been sitting here wandering about online. I could be working on 4 of the scripts I've currently got on the burners. Did I? Of course not. The other half went on his usual lone quest. That's a tradition we've had forever. Like every other Saturday, he'll take off on his own. I don't know what he does. Perhaps earns some extra cash on the corner. Maybe he visits the glory holes in our area. I just don't know. So, what did I do w/ my alone time (well I've had days worth of alone time since he started working again). NOTHING! I feel like such a loser. And what do I do when I'm bored? I eat crap. Lots of crap. I've polished off a box of Little Debbie style snacks (not even authentic Little Debbie; some cheap knockoff) since this morning. Jesus. My obviously pending onslaught of honest-to-God diabetes thanks me.

Although, to make me feel better, I did apply for another few jobs I found. I also checked out Without-a-Box yesterday; scoping out the film festivals that might be a good fit for French Toast. Found about 20 or so. Once we have a decent income, I'll get on it. I really want to get it out there...for me and for all the folks who have worked on it. But @ 50 bucks or so a pop, I will no doubt have to edit my choices. I figure a total of maybe 5 would be appropriate and realistic. We'll see.

I also have to begin a search for a sound guy on Ready to Go; since I've not heard back from Chicago sound guy Adam. Perhaps my delay in getting French Toast out there has given him pause. I wouldn't be surprised.

Had a wonderful lunch w/ friend Lorri yesterday. Since the other half was working and had the truck, she politely drove down from Burbank to meet me in my neighborhood. We discussed what I want as far as a new all inclusive website. She's got a business doing Flash sites for actors and businesses. Her own personal site is very professional and snazzy, so I wanted to discuss w/ her. Unfortunately, what I need to get her started is a sum of money...money I don't have. Don't get me wrong, her prices are legit and more reasonable than most. But even a great deal doesn't generate money in my wallet. I'm keeping her in mind for when (note, when, NOT if) we get steady income. In the meantime, I'm gonna see what I can learn on my own. I just want things to start moving. Lord.

Jobs? Well, funny you should ask, cuz I don't want to talk about it...but I will. Had a 3 1/2 hour stint at a temp agency, doing all the usual tests. Nothing like a long time spent taking tests in a temp agency to make you feel utterly useless, and extremely mentally challenged. I don't know as much as I usually think I do, but I do type 65 wpm. Wow! I feel great now. They got me an interview w/ the City of LA in some accounting position for the Housing Dept. I had the interview on Friday morning (my time w/ the temp agency was Thursday morning). The thing was though, that the folks at the City of LA didn't get the emails from the temp agency that I was showing up...so my name was not on the security list, and one of the women I was to interview with, was not in the office Friday morning. So, it seemed like a big waste of time. I interviewed w/ a nice lady (one of the two I was SUPPOSED to meet) who was obviously (understandably) unprepared for my session. When I got home, I got a call from a permanent position I had applied for earlier in the week. I have an interview on Monday morning. It's for a place that manufactures dog treats/toys, etc. Casual (jeans and flip flops) environment; and within reach by public transportation. However, it pays only 10 bucks/hour. In the end, I think I'd rather take a permanent position that pays less, than a temp position that pays more, but was scheduled to end w/in 3 months. We'll see. I also got a call from a second temp agency, and I have an interview w/ them on Tuesday morning; again downtown. (I have to talk about the Metro--in general and in comparison w/ Chicago's CTA). I also got a reply from a director for a possible 1st AD position. It would film next weekend (my b-day weekend--I'm turning frickin' 34 for Chrissakes!), and we are trying to work out a meeting for Monday. Don't believe it pays, but who cares...Experience! I'll keep you posted.

As far as the Metro, much cleaner and much more open than CTA (my old stomping grounds of the Red Line). The stations are obviously underground, but you have 2-3 stories above your head, so it never feels like you're in a cave. Also, this is on the honor's system (I received word from my temp recruiter that they are changing this soon). You buy a ticket and then never put it in anywhere. You walk right through. However, if you get checked, and no ticket, $250 fine. Better to buy the $1.25 ticket.

Strange thing on Thursday. While I was waiting for my train back home, on the platform there was one of those ranting religious types spreading her word to all of the patrons waiting. You know, 95% of the folks who use public transportation...one of those types. She was speaking in tongues, screaming and chanting about the Lord. I moved to the opposite side of a wall and sat down. I heard her coming my way, and that made those around me scatter. I was alone, but I held my ground. She continued her ranting and then stopped when she came up to me. She quietly stood in front of me. I looked at her. She was not a bum...she was clean and well dressed. Nothing to be afraid of, I guess. She asked if I spoke English. I shook my head, "no". She asked "Espanol?" I again shook my head. She smiled at me and said, "You're just a baby." I looked at her. She seemed sweet...crazy but sweet. She then said, "Jesus loves you." She paused and went on, "Everything's going to be okay."

Now, I've made it clear that being brought up a Lutheran, I no longer attend church, and I don't necessarily know where my faith lies, so I didn't take much from the "Jesus loves you" line. But for the rest of my trip home, I was warmed, almost calmed by her words, "Everything's going to be okay". I understand that if she said that to anyone (like a palm-reader for example), that it means something to everyone. It's vague, it applies to anyone and what their situation may be. I get that, but it still made me feel good. The fact that she was screaming gospel to everyone on the platform, and then came to me to politely and quietly chat and tell me that "Everything's going to be okay". It was nice. Well, cuz I am still stressed about my life. I know things are getting better each day; and within a week, I'll probably have a job. I just feel time is ticking away on my "creative" career and that I don't have much time left before I should just settle and take a day job and leave my aspirations behind. I doubt that will ever happen, honestly, but man...when will it all just click for me. Am I wanting it to desperately? Do I wish for it so hard that the universe takes it as negative thought, thus denying me my success. And I don't want to knock all of the many successes I've had in acting, and other creative ventures. There are a lot. Maybe it's time I start acknowledging my accomplishments in creative fields and that will allow me to move ahead. If I keep saying to myself, "I haven't made it"; when in fact I really have--in so many ways, then I'll never move ahead. So, with this long hurang, I was made to pause over this crazy lady's words. Thank you gospel-crazy-lady on the Red Line platform...you made me ignore the wackiness of what's going on around me, and let me know that things are progressing, and that "Everthing's going to be okay" for me. Appreciate it...really.

BTW, that wasn't the last thing she said. I was wearing contacts that day, and she asked if I wore glasses/corrective lenses. I told her I did. She gave me this advice. "Go home, take off your lenses/glasses, and just sit w/out them. God will heal your sight. It worked for me." While interesting and a bit beyond my comfort level, I appreciated her faith. But did she have to end her conversation w/ me; on that note? I'll just pretend that her last words to me were the inspiring ones. How's that work for everyone? Are you with me?