Goddamned Green Windows!

I’m in a pissy mood.

A really pissy, antsy mood.

A few things.

I have a job interview tomorrow. It could be promising, but I won’t attempt to place any meaning or hopes on anything @ this point. It’s a collections job; something I wasn’t really wanting to return to, but bills have to be paid. Of course, it requires some weekends, and some evenings. I’m so angry, cuz that leaves me basically with no free time to commit to working toward filmmaking or acting.

This is not a cry for sympathy, then again, perhaps it is, since I’m so down right now. As my years continue to rampage over me, (I just turned 34), I wonder if all of the things I work at (acting, filmmaking, writing), if I should just focus on one, and call it a day. I just have to figure out what piece I’m best at, and move toward that. I’m sure it’s the continuous knocks against me over the past months, but I feel as though not being able to find paying work on anything, means that I’m actually not that good…at anything. Please don’t comment w/ niceties. I’m just getting this out of my system, cuz I’m feeling so crappy today. I’m tired of the catch-22. If I don’t get a job, I won’t have money to live, or get new headshots, or submit my films to various festivals. Then, if/when I do get a job, I will not be able to go to any auditions, have flexibility. I basically just feel as though I’m good at all of these things I have pursued for years, but I’m not spectacular at any one thing. It’s irritating. My bad attitude right now can’t help, but whaddya want?

Damn, I’m such a downer!

With the loss of both of our jobs (the other half had two interviews on Monday---let something come of that!), and ever-dwindling money, we’re back to where we were months ago. Cripes, Cindy!

On another subject, I’m so uber-pleased w/ Paris Hilton’s response ad to McCain. You go, girl. I think it’s clear that she’s not as dumb as everyone thinks. It’s all an act, and the fact that she’s actually done some things beyond being herself (an album, films, fashion), seems to me that she’s got to have some serious business sense. The other half and I were watching her ad (it’s all over the news—in case you’ve been under a rock), and both remarked at how she’s “gone up a notch in our estimation”. It’s true. It shows that she’s listening (or yes, being told) and that she has a sense of humor about everything, including her own image. I give her high kudos; especially since it makes the “wrinkly white-haired guy” look even more ridiculous. I find it sad that most folks on the news networks are using this only as a punchline; as it clearly should be, but they’re not giving her the credit for this hilarious rebuttal. It’s quite brilliant, and the fact that it came from Paris Hilton should have us all flummoxed (I think that’s the first time I’ve ever used that word). No one’s giving her credit; and that’s wrong. I’m proud of you Paris! Plus, how can you not be thrilled by her use of images…Yoda, The Golden Girls, and The Cryptkeeper. Perfect.

On the subject of the “wrinkly white-haired guy”, did anyone catch the footage of him in Sturgis, SD? It’s horrifying. It’s time for him to admit his memory issues, and step down. Just hand it over to Obama, okay? I’m salivating for the upcoming debates, cuz Obama is gonna wash the floor with McCain. McCain has become so attached to his speech cards/teleprompters, etc. He doesn’t and won’t do well in an “improv” environment. For one, he offered up his wife (the Cylon, Cindy) for the Buffalo Chip beauty contest (for the Sturgis Bike Rally—something I knew about for so many years; since Sturgis is 10 miles from where I grew up). The contest usually involves nudity and bananas (used to show the gag reflex or lack-thereof of the contestants). Classy, John, real classy. Also, he was talking about gas and Congress’ recent start of vacation. That’s okay, but he stumbled on words, and then changed subjects in mid-sentence. It was crazy! I watched a recent repeat of The View; where McCain was a guest. I like the guy. He’s funny, charming and passionate, but man, he doesn’t have a chance. I’m fully behind Obama now. I’ve forgiven all and am ready for him to tear up McCain. Let’s do this! Can you believe how close the election is now? Yeah!

The other half and I have been watching The Travel Channel non-stop. We’re hooked on Bizarre Foods, No Reservations, and most recently; Samantha Brown’s Great Weekend Getaways (is that the name?). I used to watch her on Globe Trekker (I think that’s what she used to be on), and love her in this new show. Last night, we watched 5 straight hours of these three programs. Well, we are jobless.

I did apply to about 15 more jobs today. I’m really tired of this bit of business. Admittedly, I had a break back when I had a job (remember that?), but getting back into this is a pain in the butt.

More updates that are certain to depress you and piss you off with my never-ending whining. Later.