Writings: The Final Questions of an Interview with Dr. Ladenburnt

Approximate age: 16-17

“I’ve been a male since I was born, basically I was created by my parents. I can remember being conceived, it’s actually kind of a pain. But it has its advantages.” The man sat across from the interviewer and waited for the final questions.

“What advantages does remembering your conception have?” the interviewer questioned further.

“It adds life to parties. It also makes things like sex and soft drinks better.” He answered.

The interviewer paused in thought and then put forth his next question, “What on earth made you so annoying?”

“Well, I think it began with my kindergarten teacher. She was constantly going to the bathroom. It does things to you.”

“Yeah, I can understand that. What exactly pushed you to bite off the cameraman’s ear and spit it into my shoe.

“The way I see it, I was extremely hungry, his ear looked appetizing, and your shoe was empty. So when it was full of wax, it made the ear unsatisfying, so I disposed of it in the nearest place I could find.” He fidgeted in his seat.

“All right. The final question of the evening. When you received the job at the home for the elderly, why did you serve the tenants your intestines?” The interviewer sat back and waited.

“Well first of all, I have always enjoyed them myself. Being the generous person that I was taught to be by my dog, I naturally wanted to share them with my patients.” He sat forward and sniffed the interviewer.

“Very interesting. That’s it. We thank Dr. Ladenburnt for joining us this fine evening. Tomorrow we will talk to a rather unknown figure, a shadow, about his interesting hobby, collecting phlegm samples.”