Van Helsing Sucked the Life Right Out of Me

No kidding. This was an incredible pile of hooey. I am pretty forgiving, and I would argue that I don't dislike many movies. More so, I don't hate more than a few movies. I am a filmgoer that can find generally 10 things that may be considered worthwhile in any given shitty film. Three in this one. Three. That is it. One: Hugh Jackman with this shirt off. Two: Kate Beckinsale's line to one of the brides, " If you are going to kill someone, just do it. Why stand there talking about it?" Three: I had one in mind, but it has all too quickly left my head (I guess that is not a bad thing. The sooner this mess leaves my memory the better). I can only pray that I have a similar malady as Van Helsing. Forgetting things that may have been painful. Why is it that the really shoddy films are the longest? Even now, as the credits roll, it says 2 hours and 7 minutes on the counter. This film had every single cliche imaginable, and good actors were clearly given bad dialogue and apparently no direction. I really tried. The beginning w/ Mr. Hyde had me interested. How cool, all of the old monsters were going to kick ass in one movie. I am ashamed that I was the one to choose this out of our ever growing list of "new"movies that need to be viewed by the other half and myself. Oh yes, I now recall the third item to make my time w/ this film worthwhile. There was a trailer for Shaun of the Dead in the previews. Tell me that is not sad. If a movie works, it works. As well as this film did, I should be shocked that the American public enjoyed it so much. All it does is serve to further confirm my belief that all of humanity is stupid and our world is quickly spiraling to a fiery end. How do I conclude this horrible demise is imminent? Have you seen this movie? Who liked this? Who? What is wrong w/ them? I would rather suck my own blood and die a painful death than sit through such ridiculous, cheap junk ever again. Awful.