Sleepover @ Kathy's & What-Not...

I came so close, what with my no bidding on the slumber party at Kathy Griffin's house. The final total was 28k. Not bad. Once I win my millions, I'll just tell her; "I'll give 100k to your charity; for a week @ your place; for me and the other half." Of course if I win millions, I'll be too busy producing Sid's Apple (my screenplay for those not in the know). I previously stated that I feel as though Kathy and I would get along swimmingly. I am, after all; gay, and she is an up and coming gay icon. It's bound to work. I also get the sense that she's just as sensitive and as much of a people pleaser as I am (as much as I'm trying to cleanse myself of this filthy activity). We're gonna make it after all! :hat in air:

The other half and I watched The 40-Year Old Virgin last night. I wasn't expecting much; knowing that a great portion of the general public made this a hit and knowing that that same portion is the definition of stupid. To my surprise, it was funny, cute and touching. Steve Carell is great, and Catherine Keener was completely adorable. The other half felt the urge to impart to me this thought, "This is exactly what I imagined your life was like before you met me." He is of course referring to Andy's existence in nothingness, loneliness and the love of only his collectibles. Thanks, other half! You sure know how to make me feel good. It may have been true up to a point, but I always have had a pretty okay social life...even before the other half glommed onto me! Take that! A great soundtrack, the presence of the ever-salivated-over Paul Rudd, and actual moments that made me do an "Awwwwhhh..." Since it's difficult to understand what that "Awwwwhhh..." was to sound like; take it as when something is really endearing or cute, like Andy and Trish's moments together. Get it. What the hell...

I'm in a weird mood lately. I feel like time is ticking away, and I don't really know which way to turn to take advantage of things, or how to move the clock along, or slow it down, or stop it all together. I'm frustrated; about money, job hunting, my lack of an acting career and the fact that I haven't seen my family in almost 4 years (is that right?). Jeez Louise! I'm pissed at the other half, cuz he is pissed at me for not having a job yet! It's all ridiculous and I know I should count my blessings that I have a good life, and there are people freezing their asses off on the streets, hoping to God they can get a cup of hot chocolate. Dramatic, sure, but I am antsy, and out of shape and obviously having some sort of pity party for myself today. I guess its best to get the hell over it and push some more...not that I'm giving up, I'm just taking a moment to figure out what the heck is going on. Only I haven't figured it out yet and don't know what train of thought will bring me to some good (or any) conclusions. Is that the train station ahead? I better get my shit in order!

I feel the need to comment on the "usage" of friends. Since I've joined MySpace.com, I've come across several past friends/acquaintances, etc, who have really made a place for themselves in this world. They're successful and they're doing something they love and enjoy (presumably). I want to ask them for help, or suggestions, or tips. I get the feeling most of them wouldn't put themselves out on the line for me (or perhaps anyone else). I could be wrong. I can't say I blame them. They've found a position of power and comfort, and why gamble it on someone you're not sure of, or haven't communicated w/ in many a year. I am debating just asking these folks for their assistance. As the other half mentioned, "What's the worst they could say? No?" Of course he's right. I'll never know if I don't ask. I don't want to feel like I'm using these people by making more of our history than was actually there. With as paranoid as I am, it's hard to ask a question, and then have to interpret their response, or lack of response. On the other hand, I strongly believe in my screenplay (that's what this is all about). So, should I go out and push it onto unsuspecting victims (or the first ones to "know"), or continue to sulk and figure, "Something will happen." Ugh! Find me a pillow so I can scream into it! I have had a movie quote popping in and out of my head for the past several days; as I have been pondering this. It's from Hitchcock's The Birds. When Melanie (Tippi Hedren) stays the night w/ Annie (Suzanne Pleshette), they discuss Mitch (Rod Taylor). It becomes clear that Annie once had a thing w/ Mitch. Melanie says nothing, but kind of hints at it. Annie finally says, (and this is the line), "Look, I see no reason to be coy about this." That's it. That's what's been floating around with me for days. I was actually considering using this line in an email to the person I want to ask for assistance. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! That is all.