Let Me Just Hit the Hay...For Good

Don't worry folks, it's not a death wish or something you should call my shrink about (not that I have one...not a bad idea that...). I just read friend Jen's blog and she seems to be in the same weird funk I've been experiencing over the past few days and to a lesser degree the past couple of months. I have literally zero motivation. I took the truck to get its first emissions test yesterday and felt like I had accomplished a great deal by setting foot outside the condo. Wonders never cease! I'm starting to believe that I won't be able to get a job. No one wants to hire me, at least not at something I would prefer to do...Wait, no one will hire me period. Why kid myself? At this point, I'll take anything, and that will clearly lead to additional day job misery. I'm just ready to have some money again. Not only to be able to have fun again, but to ease the ever growing pressure on the other half. He had to tell our chiropractor (well, not mine anymore; I haven't seen him in 6 months; no cash) that he couldn't afford to see him for awhile. I think this was my final wake up call that I can't futz around anymore. Of course I've been applying left and right. Shit, I don't know. Let me win the damn lottery already! I've got about 2 weeks left of unemployment. That's it. There is no longer a choice of living my days in complete ignorance and perpetual naptimes. I don't know what to do. Even the retail jobs I've been applying to are not calling me. That's my background folks. Truly I can handle a retail position.

I have become addicted to my laptop; sadly. I feel as though I'm checking messages constantly; just for something to do and perhaps some outside contact. I don't really feel like going outside; firstly cuz it's been raining here for about a week straight, and cuz I don't have any money to go shopping, or go have a fun lunch, or whatever! I can walk, and walk and walk, but in my mind that seems so...difficult. I don't believe I'm depressed, but I can see that that state of mind could be in the cards; if things don't start to happen. Something to look forward to, I guess.

My mind is turning to mush. Mush, I say.

Just as a good indicator of how slack I've been lately? I still haven't sent out my mother's day cards. Not that this is a major step outside my usual behavior (I'm always late), but it further defines my pathetic, unmotivated moodiness. On the other hand, I will be making homemade fun cards for the recipients, so that might ease the fact that I am so far behind. I've already written them mind you, but they must still be "made".

But first, I have some more productive self pity and sitting around to accomplish. Priorities people!