"May I Speak? No Holds Barred?"

I'm pissed. I truly am. We had a total of about 8 people in our audience for today's matinee. Three of them were my other half and two friends, and two were some little old ladies that came to help out with ushering duties. Good thing they did, for the flock of theatre-goers lining up to get in would have had a hard time finding the few remaining empty seats! We've had a few "decent" sized crowds during the run, "decent" meaning more than 20. Keep in mind that the space we are performing in, seats about 150. Our opening night was almost full, and since then, we've seen very little action...if you will. It was a nasty show today. We all did well, but the response; especially from the sleeping woman in the front row, left a lot to be desired. The morale of the cast is steadily declining. We would never feign to put on a bad show, but it sure does get harder when a couple of people show up and then sleep through the most rousing numbers. I was extremely bitter after the show, and am trying to remain "professional", but it's getting harder, more so when I get the same sense of disgust and depression from the rest of the cast. There has been little to no advertising that I'm aware of, and I've seen 0 posters in shops around town. None. It saddens me to say this, but I feel I'll have to consider very hard whether to do a show w/ this company again. It's too depressing. No one really seems to give two shits how it makes the actors feel. It is demeaning! It does bring us down. How can it not? It feels like we're getting no backup on this. The cast and I even discussed this very day, about going out to hang posters ourselves; around the neighborhood. Of course we should do it right away (meaning weeks ago), cuz we only have 4 weeks left in our run; 16 shows. That's it! I'm not above going door to door to tout our wares, but if I had known it would all turn out this poorly, I would have organized such a poster-day, many moons ago.

On top of all of this sadness, the other half, who usually attends my shows at least once a week during a two month run, said he will probably come this Friday; with friends who will be attending, but will not return after that. He said it's too depressing. Even he's feeling the pressure and pain. That can't be good! Sadly, everyone has come to enjoy his presence in the audience, cuz he's very supportive, boisterous and a good solid, loud laugher. We've really been craving that, and his absence has been generally quite noticeable. So, thanks to the other half for being there for us and for me. I do appreciate it. I wouldn't want to see us putting on a show anymore either; especially when he knows the backstage abyss of sadness we seem to be falling into.

Also, the stage became a death trap today, when the whipped cream we use for the pie gag turned to a nice soup du jour. It was milk by the time it hit me. Plop, plop, spread, spread, oh what a mess it is! All over the stage floor. Slipping, sliding, and everyone being very careful not to injure themselves; and compromising their performance energy in the process. It's not that it wasn't expected, it was pushing 100 degrees in Chicago today. Anything we would have used would have stood very little chance of keeping its consistency. It just made for an additional stress on us all. It was a bad show day.

What kills me even more, is that I was THRILLED to return to the stage on Friday night. Starting the new job and being back in that "corporate" atmosphere, made me truly appreciate the solace and joy I receive from acting. I had a moment of real euphoria in the opening number on Friday. That's rare folks. I loved it. Then to end the weekend of shows on a note like today. Wow. Not a pretty sight.

FYI, I have learned that the advance sales for the upcoming weeks have been improving. Good. We desperately need some decent audiences.