It's Finally Happened, Michael, You've Lost Your Mind!

A fun twist to a line from The Simpsons.

I had an interview for an office job in the MacArthur Park (is that the spelling?--I'm too lazy to check and too stupid to know) area this morning.

I've never blown an interview so thoroughly, or been so humiliated by my own stupidity...ever in my life.

I'll share the details at a future time. Suffice to say that I need to clearly stick to retail, where my personality is my main asset. I can sell myself based on my personality and customer service strengths, but apparently not on my office skills.

I want to crawl under a rock right now. I'm ready to either cry or loonily (I know THAT'S not a word) laugh myself into an aneurysm. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Let's just say that after a maximum of 3 minutes in the presence of my possible boss, the words he uttered were, "This concludes the interview."

OH. MY. GOD.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't do a Jessica Kaehlo (sp). If you get that movie reference, I will so buy you a beer. But, he asked me to do some simple tasks on Excel (which I did okay), but then failed miserably on Outlook tasks. Wasn't expecting tests, and the Outlook looked like gibberish to me today. I've used Outlook a bit before, enough to get through, but today, it wasn't there.

He then walked me down to the front door, saying that he had to cuz there was a dog in the building (it was a residence, not technically an office). In my humiliation, I asked him what type of dog? He replied, with what I believe was some type of threat/jab/laugh in my face, with "A mean pitbull". Was that to tell me he never wanted me to return to his place of business? And don't try? Perhaps.

I feel like the biggest loser...not in the good way of leaving behind my fat gut and flabby ass. I'll be over this by day's end, but clearly I need to make myself the poster child for knowledge of MS Office applications. Otherwise, I'll never, ever get a job. Either that, or get a retail job, where my personality will keep me afloat. Oh, wait, I can't get those jobs either. I'm fucked. How about this? Get me an acting gig, perhaps on a soap or sitcom, where I have a job for a good long while...assuming it was picked up for second, third and so on, seasons. Oh wait, I have to get new headshots and get them out to agents and then get an agent to see me and then get them to agree that my personality and skills are worthy of a place in their company. Oh wait, I can't do that right now, cuz I have to deal w/ my miserable daily existence of wondering how long we can skate across this thin ice/constant threats of homelessness pending, Ramen noodle eating, waiting for the storage company to inform us that they're opening our two "pods" and selling our shit cuz we haven't paid our bills, wondering when all of the insane debt attributed to my name will come knocking at the door.

A couple of parting thoughts. I hate life. I hate MY life specifically.

Today was just awesome.

But, the other half and I are going to get out of the house and go look at condos we can't afford. It makes us happy. It's free, and it gets us off our our lazy asses and out of sight of our idiot box...the TV.