A Rambling Blog from Many Days Ago

I wrote this last Wednesday, and am now getting around to posting it. Spoiler alert!!! It's long and boring. Enjoy.

I’m Irritated

What else is new, right?

I don’t like bitchy people. People who are bitchy to be bitchy, not cuz they have a valid reason. Of course, all people believe in what they do, well, for the most part. They don’t think they’re being bitchy, they are just being themselves.

I’m unhappy w/ my new job. Some of it is good. A lot of it is not. I’m not really connecting w/ my partners. I generally feel I am good at reading people, getting a feel for them early on in a relationship. But I’ll be damned if I can’t get a handle on several of my new co-workers. I really can’t do it. It’s driving me nuts, and I don’t know how to move ahead. Currently, I don’t like it there, cuz of this animosity I am feeling. I was told it was a good team, but frankly, I don’t get that sense. It feels a bit clique-y, and I can’t stand that kind of crap. It’s not that I need to be the best of friends w/ each and every co-worker, but kindness and common decency are requirements in my book. I don’t have to be lovey-dovey, or have my hands held, but damn, the tiniest bit of warmth would be good. Striking up conversations w/ some of these folks is like pulling teeth. Should it be this hard, considering we are to be a team? I’m being made to feel guilty about things. Again, I’m new, so I am hoping for a bit of slack. Should I get extra care? Probably not, but considering how well I believe I’m doing, I would think I…I’m babbling here. I don’t know what I want. Correction. I don’t want to have to work. I want to vacation and travel and relax and write and make movies. I just am too far past this kind of BS (whether it’s real or whether I’m creating it in my own mind) to want to put up w/ this stuff. Corporate politics, clashing personalities. I’m not stupid. I know I’ll encounter clashing personalities wherever I go. However, if I were working for myself, say making movies…I could surround myself w/ people I want around. People that will create a cohesive team, and have a wonderful personal as well as professional relationship. At this job, I don’t feel that’s possible. Clearly I’m going to give it time…cuz that’s the smart thing to do, but also cuz I don’t have much choice in the matter. I gotta have a job, right?

What to do? I’m working a split today. Manager’s meeting this morning and then I’m closing tonight. I’ve got 6 hours to kill. I brought my laptop to do some writing on my script (yes, you’re right, today IS the deadline for my rough draft—fat chance), but I couldn’t start writing on that until I got this negativity out of my system. Perhaps I can work on a conflict scene today? Anyway, I hope this gets me into a frame of mind to use this time wisely. Perhaps another 10 pages on the script? That would be super.

This is being written @ 9:30 am, but will be posted this evening. Thank God I have two days off; beginning tomorrow. I want to clear my head.

Later, y’all.

Oh, btw, some other celebrities. Saw Jon Voight (this is the second time) walking past my store. Also had one of the actors from Clueless in yesterday. Sadly, I don’t know his name and am too lazy to look it up. He’s the guy that played Dionne’s boyfriend. Neat.

Also, I’m sitting in Starbucks, and every woman waiting on her order stinks to high heaven. Lay off the perfume ladies…it does nothing for you. I must make a move to a different area of the shop…that works.

Hey, whaddya know? It’s a continuation. I’m still here @ Starbucks, and it’s just past 1pm. I go back to work in two hours. I’ve been quite productive…having completed another 7 pages (approximately). My ending is quite fabulous if I do say so myself. I’m now @ 78 pages, and I basically have a few scenes to fill in, and then flesh it all out. I figure I could actually get this film in at about 100 pages. That means another 20 pages to go. I need to go back and re-read to see what’s missing. I could actually be close, thus not far from my intended deadline of TODAY. I’m officially making my new deadline for Halloween, October 31st. Seems appropriate. So, there it is. ME & SIMON BAKER WILL HAVE A ROUGH DRAFT COMPLETED BY OCTOBER 31ST. You read it here first.

I am soooo tired right now. I got about 5 ½ hours of sleep last night. I closed and then had to be back today @ 7am.

I have to say, some of these Beverly Hills ladies are a hoot. I like the ones who are dressed relatively conservatively. They don’t look odd. Then there are the ones with years of plastic surgery under their belt (not as operator, but as operat-ee), stilettos 10 inches high…they stand out to me, but strangely, not in this environment. I’m so babbling right now. I’ll end up posting all of this nonsense, cuz I can’t bring myself to just delete any crap I might be train-of-thought-writing.

I am soooo tired. I mentioned that a bit ago, but it bears repeating. It looks like I’ll be sleeping most of the day tomorrow. Just out of necessity. Yes. Tired. No further writing to be done on the new script today. Not gonna happen. But, I guess I should be positive.

Have I mentioned that I’m unsure of my job? Thought I’d again point that out.

The other half and I have been obsessed lately w/ The X-Files reruns. They’re on almost every day on SciFi Channel. We’ve been DVR-ing all of them. Lots of episodes I’ve never seen, and many old favorites. There’s genuinely some very good stuff going on in many of them. Sadly, my favorite episode, “Home”, did not record properly. Bummer. You all remember “Home” don’t you? The one about infanticide and an inbred family called “The Peacocks”? Disturbing, suspenseful and downright nasty. I remember that some affiliates wouldn’t show this one. I was at home when this was aired. My whole family sat down to watch this. A nice, spooky episode of The X-Files. A bit more than we all bargained for. We have also seen the two episodes about the fingernail and blonde (then later, red) hair obsessed necrophiliac who kidnapped Scully…remember that one? We saw the newer one first and then last week saw the original. Amazingly good acting from Gillian Anderson (or is it “-en”---- How could I not know that?). Her performance in the first episode of this storyline got me a bit choked up. This really was a great show. At its best, a stunner, and in its worst moments, still quite palatable.

One more thought. I think that if I can “mix” into these (to borrow a phrase from Pretty in Pink) “richies”, here in Beverly Hills, it’ll be cuz I’m not “serving” them. I don’t want to be in retail or service in a place such as this. Put me back in Gurnee Mills (a more middle class shopping environment), and I’ll be just fine. I am beginning to realize that I do have an inferiority complex when it comes to my financial upbringing. It was good and all, but without a great deal of money. I think that’s stuck with me throughout the years. I get the sense that folks with money or that come from money can “smell” me. Like Frances Fisher says in Titanic, about Kathy Bates’ Molly Brown, “new money”. They know that I don’t come from money, and they frown upon me for it. Certainly it’s not everyone, or perhaps anyone, but in my brain, I see sneers and rolled eyes, and hear “Have you ever’s” and “Really’s”. I know it’s my own confidence issue. I don’t necessarily have to be well off financially myself to get past this dilemma. I simply can’t be serving these types. I’m just now formulating a thought that I don’t feel comfortable in LA for this reason. Right now, it’s the one and only thing making me rethink this relocation. I never felt that way in Chicago, in any job I held, or in any situation I found myself. Well, not true, my old boss made me feel as if I were being judged. She “knew” that I came from a less than well off family. Not that I told her, but she “smelled” it. Hmmm. Other than that, I can’t remember feeling this way on such a regular basis. As I’ve mentioned before, I think I’m just hyper-sensitive to everything right now. I’m sure it has to do w/ everything that happened in the recent past. I wish I could move past it, grow some balls and shut the hell up about it. I’ll see how that goes. Easier said than done, and whatever other clichés might apply here.

One hour to go. I wish there were a place to catch a quick catnap before my shift. Thank goodness it’s only a 6 hour gig tonight.

Oh, and another thing (besides the fact that this will no doubt be the longest blog entry in the history of mankind), I received a nice email from friend Mike. He was one of the actors on that project Big Bother I have been working on since June. They had another weekend shoot this past weekend, and due to my new job, I couldn’t be there to AD. He said that I was sorely missed, and commented on how I handled things very well during the previous shoot dates. I thought that was super nice, so thanks Mike.

Planning on seeing W. this Friday night. Still did not get out to see Quarantine. Not sure if I mentioned it, but we didn’t take advantage of the freebie tickets last week, cuz, well, we’re lazy, or I am rather.

Any other boring, trivial details I can impart in this entry? I’m sure I’ll find something before I head next door for work. I hope you’ve all enjoyed this interesting glimpse into my daily affairs.

I’ve decided that until I learn everything there is to know about managing, and have it all down pat, I would rather just do sales on the floor. Then again, I can’t learn it all if I’m a salesperson instead of a manager. Blah. Blah. Blah, I say.

That is all for now…for now.