Codename: Rationalization

It appears like a wave on the horizon. As it gets closer, more and more ripples appear. It washes over you with a calming grace. It is the neverending cycle of rationalization. I have (had) three projects in the works. The new Griffin show, and two short films for a couple of grad students @ Columbia College. The first film, which I commented on in a previous blog, has had no hang-ups w/ scheduling. We shoot in less than a week, so there will be none forthcoming. **knock on wood** The second one had problems from the get-go, its possible shoot dates loomed very close to tech week for the Griffin show. Cutting it close was an understatement. Well, tonight was the deciding moment. The major shoot date for the second film coincided w/ a run through (one of only a few) with the lighting designer. No way out, around, over or under. I was not angry or terribly disappointed, for you see, I was able to rationalize away the disappointment. "Well, now I have less things to worry about." "Well, now I don't have to take any more time off from work." "Well, now the changes the director made to the script (which I found out today) will no longer matter." It struck me as I rode the bus home from rehearsal, how quickly this defense shot up, barricading me from anger, resentment, regret. It's not as if I am left w/ no projects, a barren landscape of no creative ventures. It seems to be all for the best. See, here it comes again. Icy cold, we must be in the North Atlantic.