Lazy Good-for-Nuthin'

Is it a call for sympathy? For encouragement? For a cattle-prod? (D) All of the above.

Cripes.

A few things on my mind. I've got a project list a mile long, and I've come to the mind-numbing, heart-breaking conclusion that I'm an addict. Smoking? No. Drinking? No. Crappy food (well, yes on that one). Addicted to being a bitch? No. Addicted to being lazy? Yup.

I'm one lazy mother-fucker. I'm about as down on myself as I could possibly be right now (w/out performing certain niceties on my own private areas--get it?).

So many good ideas, but not AN OUNCE of push to complete them...or hell, even START some of them.

Seriously, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Let's review my sorrows, shall we?

I'll put up a positive one first...just to get the ball rolling. I've actually been working on my auto-biography...my memoir. Not a lot, considering the length it probably will end up being, but I can rationalize that it is SOMETHING. ANYTHING, for Godssake!

The script which writing partner Chris and I have been working on almost since we relocated to LA (three years ago!) has been on hold for what seems like months (wait, it has been TWO months since we held our reading). Neither of us has pushed to move ahead on it...I can't blame Chris (he and wife Ami are preparing for a major move cross country--which frankly I believe this is one of the reasons I'm in such a funk lately). Of course they're boxing/taping/purging doesn't keep me from working on the awesome piece we concocted...and yet here I sit...blogging. I'll again rationalize that at least I'm writing. Better than spending another FUCKING minute @ MeccaGames.com, playing endless Alice in Wonderland and Cleopatra slots for fake money. It's clearly become a mindless escape from my responsibilities and necessary project work.

Which brings me to the ultimate necessary project which has just been left to flounder, unfinished.

The Baker script. I am planning on sending it in to one competition; which has a deadline of June 1st. It's not ready. Thankfully, in my research, I found that on WithoutaBox, there is an extended deadline through their service for June 15th. Why not take advantage of this adt'l time and play some more Alice...I mean, after all, that Tea Party bonus is pretty damn exciting and will certainly serve to further my writing career. Here I will rationalize further by saying that the $60 entry fee into the afore-mentioned contest was a bit out of league for this pay period, so it was wiser to wait til mid-month anyway. Right? RIGHT? Uh-huh. Anyway, I'm well over half way through on what I would consider my 6th draft (and the final one before I submit it to the contest I'm interested in). The super major changes I was expecting to make, ended up not being necessary (or so I believe). There were other changes that needed to take place, and they have, but that now requires for the rest of the script to change to accommodate those new changes, and the beat goes on.

And another rationalization. I say it out loud when people ask me how the projects are coming along. "I work better under pressure." I think this is actually true to a point, but CHRIST, wouldn't it be nice to get something done ahead of time? I'll never change these procrastinating ways, so I should just accept it. Easier said than done.

Let's see. I have a terrific coffee table picture book idea, but haven't ANY idea on how to proceed.

My feature script (which I think is quite promising) A. Family Portrait, hasn't been touched in months. I've got about 30 pages, but nothing has blossomed on that one since...oh, the DAWN OF TIME!

I have been asked to collaborate with and/or write an episode of friend Jen's wildly entertaining "radio plays" found @ http://thehorrorgasm.tumblr.com/. Done nothing to pursue that.

So many opportunities out there, and it seems I'm just kinda pissing them away.

There is a possible change coming through in the next few months...and I hope it comes to pass (more details as they unfold)...and I PRAY that it will get me on track w/ some of these projects.

Again, I don't know what's keeping me from getting things done. It's such a load of bullshit too. The more I procrastinate, play online slots, hang out on Facebook, the more I beat myself up, the more I lay on my own guilt, the more I feel like a dreadful failure.

My good friend and writing partner Chris has offered kind words for the writing work I've done in LA...going so far as to using the word "prolific". So greatly appreciated, but the bottom line is that I have to find it within myself to appreciate all I've done...thus using that good feeling and higher self-esteem to push me on...to complete already begun projects and start on all of the fabulous ideas currently smoking away on the back burner.

I realize not many people read this...but for those who do. Thanks for reading. It feels good to blow off some steam every once in a while.

Later.