The Ultimate

It seems I can find nothing to truly satisfy my needs...my wants...my desires.

Do I speak of sexual escapades? Truly great cuisine? A pantsuit that doesn't remind me of Hillary Clinton?

Sure, those are all things which plague my mind every single day, but what I'm talking about here is something seemingly unattainable.

The ultimate bag and journal/notebook...for a "real" writer.

As a writer, I have find myself in this ongoing search for an ideal bag. I've got a great backpack (Swiss Army) for my laptop, and I've used it w/ much love over the past many years, but it doesn't have a lot of character.

I'm often reminded of "the bag" carried by Alessandro Nivola in JURASSIC PARK III. The one which he has carried for so many years, his lucky bag...and the one which ends up saving his life. I want a bag like that. Not to save me from blood-thirsty pterodactyls or chomp-happy T-rexes. Just something that has gone the distance with me, has been there with me. Shows some wear and some character. I thought I found one, but have not used it recently. It's a khaki-hemp type bag I found @ a shop in Venice (imagine that). I paid 12 bucks for it, as it was the last one and had a stain on it (instant character), haggled down from the already reasonable price of $20. I even had the other half sew on a green and black patch; which reads simply "zombie". In essence, that's what I'm all about. Seemed appropriate.

But lately, instead of taking my sacred bag (must not be so sacred apparently) say to work, I carry a Fresh and Easy (our local grocery store) canvas tote. It seems more sensible for taking my lunch and drinks for the day. At least it keeps them upright, while my sacred hemp bag allows them to fall and spill as they please. Maybe that's the trick, take the sacred bag, let the shit spill and it'll have more character. That's a thought! But by me not taking the bag on ALL excursions, it doesn't seem to be "the one". In addition, I have realized that I'm a bag-aholic. Is it just a thing/addiction/sickness, or is it truly the fact that my search continues due to not finding a true love? I love my "zombie" bag and had every intention of making it even more sacred by adding at least a dozen more patches (flair? hah!).

And then, of course, there's the obvious writer's tool...a notebook (to carry in that special one-of-a-kind bag). Let it be known that ever since I was in middle school (when i got my first electric typewriter) most of my work has spewed forth onto typewriter or computer paper. Notebooks have always been around for brainstorming/notetaking and during bouts of writer's block...doodling. (I have made some TREMENDOUS labyrinth/maze illustrations in my day, believe you/me). I currently use two notebooks fairly regularly. I have a nice full size spiral notebook w/ Hawaiian Punch on the cover (got it @ K-mart for $2), and a small one I keep in my purse (yes, a PURSE). However, as with the bags I've already discussed, they don't seem to be the ultimate...i.e. something I can't live without. It can't leave my side. The mini "purse" notebook doesn't even always come with me. Sometimes the purse (including all contents) stays behind completely. Shouldn't my "ultimate" brainstorm notebook be with me NO MATTER WHAT? So, is it my laziness, not wanting to get beat up for carrying a purse, or is it that I haven't yet found the best notebook to use?

Pens? I can take pretty much anything (although I HAVE recently developed a fondness for the Sharpie Ultra Fine Point pen in black--it's perfect for us lefties--no smearing, you see).

But what to do about the bags and the blasted notebooks? When do I find my never-leave-home-without-it, cherished items? It's a tradition I think I'm missing out on. Perhaps it's the idea that so many writers have habits and things they simply cannot do without while they work (I'm thinking of William Hurt's character in ONE TRUE THING--the rotting apples in the desk drawer). Maybe I just haven't been writing long enough to know exactly what I need. The only thing I know helped me, was listening to Tears for Fears while I wrote my first screenplay. So much, in fact, that when I hear certain TFF songs, I'm immediately transported back to that world I created (which is a nice thing). But that was for one project...

What are my idiosyncrasies as a testy, intellectual, goatee-sporting writer?

I simply have to find them.

And it all starts w/ the ultimate bag and brainstorming notepad.

Am I wrong?