Who is the ULTIMATE 80s Horror Hunk? Boner Seven: Kiefer Sutherland vs. Jason Patric

Recap of the latest boner battle.  Our voter turnout was pretty weak, compared to the previous Olandt vs. Rohner battle, but it was still a decisive win for "Tommy Jarvis III", Mr. Thom Mathews of JASON LIVES: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6.  One vote for John Furey and FIVE votes for Mathews (including one from his biggest fan).  I can't complain, cuz the dude is a hottie of epic proportion (but my personal vote for John Furey was rendered useless).  Congrats, Thom!  Should you be playing "Tommy" again sometime, let me take over for the lovely and talented Jennifer Cooke (aka "Megan"), I have some serious CPR skills!

This next match-up was not on my original list of 80s horror hunks, but when someone asked about our first dude, I immediately thought of the second dude -- which made it clear that this bout simply had to take place.  So here we are!

It's THE LOST BOYS, boys (and girls).  And thus, this boner battle will be christened, "The Boys of The Lost Boys".  Easy genius, really.

Of course, first up is Kiefer Sutherland.  Now, I myself always found him cute, but never boner -- or even drool-worthy.  So that means I'm bowing to peer pressure and giving the public what they want.  Looking up photos, I think it's the hair-do which is turning me off here.  I have absolutely no issue with his leader-of-the-pack (of vampires) and his status as one of the highest ranking on-screen bad boys... in fact, that is what makes me okay with adding him to this contest.  His grungy vampire-leader -- serving up worms and being draped on by Jami Gertz and all that 80s music -- well, that is just sexy as hell.  Now, let it be known -- give me his switchblade-toting asshole "Ace" from STAND BY ME, and we've got a real contender indeed.  That scruff, that short (but still long-ish for the era) hair, and he can "stab" me anytime (see photo below).  But, even though it's Stephen King, it's not horror.  *sigh*  But, I digress.  It's been a long, long time since I took in THE LOST BOYS, so I'll let the actual tried-n-true fans of this flick make their call.

Before I move onto Sutherland's competitor, I must point out that all you voters should truly vote for the hottest guy (as felt in your heart AND your crotch) and not on name recognition alone.  Cuz there are several hunks in this competition who will be going up against some (now) A-list, household-name actors.  What I'm saying is...vote with your libido, not with your Imdb-recognition antennae.  You feel me?



Sutherland will be facing off with his THE LOST BOYS co-star, Jason Patric.  I will say -- right out of the gate, that this is the hairy-chested hunk who will receive my vote in this particular boner battle.  No need to beat around the bush (he is a hairy guy and this was the 80s) and wait to the end to proclaim my love here.  I'm posting several photos of Mr. Patric from the film, and will basically say, "a picture is worth a thousand words".  Or in this case, pictureS.  But allow me to gush anyway.  That hairy chest.  That jaw-line.  Those lips that are just begging to be sucked on.  I can't.  I just can't.  You can see what he does to me...I'm ending sentences with prepositions!  Okay, I do that all the time anyway, but Patric truly is dreamy.  On top of that, he's got the nostalgia factor for me.  He reminds me of two guys from my past.  One more recent -- strange, sexy resemblance there, and another from middle school -- one of those "early-developing, had a treasure trail and hair between his pecs at age 13, I got to see him naked in the shower after gym class" hotties who has always been one of my greatest regrets -- I never got to sample that.  You get the idea.  Jason Patric melts my butter and fries it up in a pan.  Close-up of his gorgeous face (stubble at 10am -- yummers) above.

Close-up of his gorgeous VAMPIRE face and that absolutely perfect nose (we can lose the earring).









...and the clincher -- a photo of him SHIRTLESS with the late Corey Haim (may he rest in peace).

Now.  Stop.  Just stop right there.  Take a moment to examine that body (Patric's), and if you must, take another look at Kiefer.  'kay?  Are we finished here?

Cast your vote.  And if you want to stay on my good side, cast it correctly.  Savvy?

The boys of THE LOST BOYS, everyone!